As I stated here, on October 29, 2004 I was placed on the Transplant List for a kidney and pancreas. Since being placed on the list, some things in my life have changed. For instance, I now have a cell phone in order for the Transplant Hospital to have 24/7 access to me should organs become available. Twice a month, the dialysis clinic sends blood to the Transplant Hospital for tests and analysis, and for use in comparing available organs for compatibility. My wife and I have not traveled anywhere, and plan to stick pretty close to home for the foreseeable future (time will be of the essence if a set of organs become available). None of these changes surprises me because my wife, my doctors, and I discussed these issues many times after my kidneys failed.

One thing that has surprised me is how much I ponder the coming procedure and its effects on both myself and others. Once my transplant occurs, if successful, my diabetes will be cured as well as my kidney failure. This means no more daily shots of insulin, no more pricking my fingers for blood-glucose testing, and no more waking up in the middle of the night with low blood sugar. Although it shouldn’t be necessary, I’ll probably stick to diet soda (real soda now tastes sickeningly sweet to me) as well as most of my sugar-free diet. Also, my doctor has told me that in some of his patients, after having the transplant some of the bad effects of diabetes have been slightly reversed, such as neuropathy. He was very careful to warn me that it doesn’t happen to everyone, and the chances are small that it will happen to me, but I still look forward to it. The feeling in my feet has been little or none for many years now, and to get some of that back would be nice. For one thing, it would help my balance. Right now, even though I do not drink alcohol, I would be hard-pressed to pass a sobriety test if I had to stand on one leg.

The one thing that I ponder the most is the fact that in order for all of these wonderful things to happen for me, someone else must die. The fact that I need both a kidney and a pancreas precludes me from using a living donor. Also, my diabetes means that a kidney transplant without the pancreas would, at most, alleviate my kidney problems only for a few years before the diabetes would claim the new kidney. So, for me anyway, the dual transplant makes sense medically.

However, when I am lying back in the dialysis chair during my treatments, and my mind wanders, I usually end up thinking about that unknown someone who will have to die in order for me to go on. Will they be younger or older than me? Will it be a male or female? White, Black, or Hispanic? Mother or Father? Son or daughter? Star Athlete or Chess Club Geek? Will they die in an automobile wreck or some accident around the house? Sometimes I even wonder about such stupid things like if the donor will be a conservative or liberal. It never ends. One time, I even wondered what would happen if the donor turned out to be someone I knew really well.

Of course, I know that thinking about such things is pretty useless. It doesn’t help me in the least to deal with my medical problems, and it really only makes me more anxious about the whole transplant procedure. Yet, I am unable to stop thinking about the person who will enable me to reap all of these medical benefits. Of course, there will never be anything that I’ll be able to do for this person or their family to thank them for the gift they’re going to give to me. Indeed, if it is their wish, I may never know who the donor was. Even so, I know I will feel a lot of warmth and love for this person and their family; how could I not? I know that I’ll do my best to take as good care of myself as possible so that the transplanted organs will have the best chance to succeed.

This transplant procedure, when it takes place, will definitely be the most important turning point in my life. It will enable me to continue to see my children, it will allow me to continue to love my wife and family, but most of all it will enable me to continue to be me, for better or worse. These are the reasons that I look forward to it the most.

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This entry was posted on Tuesday, December 28th, 2004 at 2:38 pm by Nick, and is filed under Health Stuff. You can follow any responses to this entry through the RSS 2.0 feed. Both comments and pings are currently closed.